every few months i gather my thoughts or so, just to pen them down on the internet. of good, of bad, of everything i've felt when life threw me curve balls, of both stupid and smart decisions i've made, none without regret.

so since my last proper post in july, i've come to realise that i've been having so much fun despite the stress built from work. there have been ups and downs lately, but none so bad that i fall face first in the dirt.

the momentum keeps going, the drive is there, and as long as it is then... what better way than to enjoy it all?

work has been crazy, i'm not going to lie, but as out of hand as it gets, there was moral support from all around. helping hands from colleagues, words of encouragement from friends. and let us not forget the voices in songs, those beautiful, soothing sounds.

and inbetween running from office to office, one meeting to the next, day after day after day, i still had the time to plan my trip.

i'm off again to japan this year accompanied by my true partner in crime. what initially was Tokyo and Osaka quickly became Tokyo, Yokohama, Nagoya, Kyoto, and Osaka, a trip just to watch our boys shine.

All last, as one would say for me because last it will be, and it should be nothing less than to go out with a bang.

and even with cramped schedules with planning and preparing for the new launch of my library, i talked myself into joining a fic-exchange. quite a few thousands of words in a span of four days. quite scary.

so here i am in my office before my shift starts, writing this little nugget whilst still getting the jitters for December. thinking to myself: September, October, and November. come the Twelfth, it will be a trip that i will for the rest of my life remember.


so, im hella into YouTube. my #1 is the self-proclaimed senpai of the universe PewDiePie, #2 Queen himself Tyler Oakley, #3 Pointlessblog, Connor Franta, Cryaotic & FunForLouis

then this happened: YouTube Fanfest 2014 Singapore

and then i screamed -literally SCREAMED- in my room because Tyler Oakley, QUEEN himself (along with Troye Sivan!!!), is going to be in MY country on those dates. not to mention that those dates both fall on my off days on work. what did i do? ofc i bought a ticket. i am mad sad i wont be able to watch Ryan Higa, Jenna Marbles and ||Superwoman|| (;A;) but damn gurl, i get to see my queen and Troye Sivan himself so ;;;;;;;;;;;;; #troyler *explodes into glitter*

there's that, so if you arent subscribed to him yet, what are you doing with your life. here is some shameless promo of my queen himself:

#MYLER singing with Helium

#MYLER fanfiction comes to life

Embarrassing university stories

The ONLY life advice you need


#TROYLER tumblr tag

Me vs. Spider on my Shoe


the limit does not exist! (it is also a Mean Girls 10 year Anniversary soon.. i think)

the month has been crazy as of late, but as crazy as it is here at the new branch, all is well. i am constantly busy (and on days that i am not, i make myself busy) and i am so so tired but it's all so rewarding when it comes to work~

but this post is not about work, nor my personal life. lately ive felt so irritable and my brain feels like it's stagnant. as if there is no new input, and i just cant deal with it. i need it to constantly be thinking and learning and taking in as much information as it possibly can when i am active (or even send me related dreams while i am asleep). so ive taken an interest in reading the daily crime news from different countries (mainly japan) every now and then since late last year and yesterday i found and interesting read about a woman who went missing. her skeleton was found a year later i believe, in a forest. it got be curious and i started wondering how fast a human body decomposes. so i googled, and found this nifty little article regarding Body Farms and eventually, a fiction book of the same topic. (the article was really interesting, you guys should take a look :O )

anyway how does that relate to this post you ask? well, ive been working on a big life-project lately and this incident hit me like a book (it literally did, a kid threw a book at me yesterday u_u) and that is to keep my brain alive. and how do i do that? by learning. ive decided that each month, i should will myself to study or read up about a certain topic, then, with all my findings i'll document them on one of the files that i have nicely stashed on my writing shelves for future references if i need any (and believe me, i'll definitely need them). this month im reading up on 'Body Farms' as much as i can (it's REALLY interesting) but next month and the following ones... i have no idea!!

help me, flist, drop me random topics in the comments if you can so that i can have different things to read up on each month! it can be totally at random from Alcohol mixing, to Resin crafting, to even the many many MANY aircrafts and ships that have been swallowed up by the Bermuda Triangle!

wow this post got long. uh, bye!


days like these, i thank god for subaru's existence. i have a nervous breakdown, i listen to everything i can try to on my playlist and nothing works. then i remember, hidden somewhere i do have one or two of his songs on my phone and i give those a listen and i literally feel my frustrations, my anxiety and thoughts just... disappear.

it's something i can't explain. like magic. shibutani subaru's voice is like a calm spell.

breaking the wall.

this week, something truly marvelous has happened! it's just something small, something that i happened to remember staring at -a drawing, if you must (no, not the one above). then came a thought, and following that, a question.

then, inspiration.

but not the kind of inspiration that is driven by mere fic-ideas, no. this is... something much bigger. you know that feeling when you just know that it's something more than just normal? something that -if a lot of effort is put into- will hopefully become that one thing youve worked pretty much all your life for? exactly, that feeling. the feeling of finally getting a sledgehammer and taking that first hit on a wall that's probably been there all your life. i'm so so pumped right now that i just, literally cannot contain it! and i have a good friend that can help me with this, and with her first input, i think i can finally take that next step.

honestly, literally can't wait to meet her later this month and tell her my plans. she was the only one who ever believed in my dream anyway.

that, 'aya will one day, write a book. she'll never give up.'